Stuck in this shape shifting space that inflates and deflates around me
I am watchful, I am anxious, I am happy, I am still, I am … I am …
I am … bloated
Not just with food
with facts … layered like a never ending sandwich
from first thing in the morning
to last thing at night
I crave them
I search for them
I’m addicted
I reason that
… it’s not optional
It’s literally
Life
or
Death.
Feed me more.
Feed me more.
Then.
Then.
Then… it becomes too much to consume
I feel sick
My mind is infected with
Facts
Faces
Names
Cares
Tears
Fears
So I unplug
And sit in the bath
For ages multiplied by ages
I stay
Underneath the stillness of the water
Everything is upside down
I see
my solitary quietness
I see
the verdant aloe vera plant
duplicated
from the window sill
into the shimmer of the water
hardly wrinkled by time
or space
I see
that I have found an oasis
that I do not want to leave
I inhale and …
hold my breath to capture now for ever
Struggling to be still
I exhale tears
they merge with the water
The light from outside
pours in through the dappled window
without invitation
bathing me again
this time with warm hope
I sense a new day has broken through the darkness
With the facts locked away
in a part of this small space now invisible to me
I luxuriate in the buoyancy of my womb-like existence
heavy facts are banished
from my mind
One more minute
one more minute
one
more
minute …